A quote from one of my guilty pleasure movies that might get me judged but I love it anyway:
“To trudge: The slow, weary, depressing, yet determined walk of a man who has nothing left in his life except the impulse to simply soldier on.”
~ Lilium inter spinas, or rather, Geoffrey Chaucer, A Knight’s Tale.

Today, I nearly deleted all my social media accounts. It feels almost surreal to type those words, but I woke up this morning, checked my notifications (or lack thereof), and for a moment, it all seemed pointless. I’ve been at this for weeks now, trying to share what I’m passionate about, pouring my thoughts and energy into posts that feel meaningful to me, only to be met with mostly silence. One or two views and fewer responses. As an important aside, though, I deeply value each of you who has responded. I’m just not sure the small but loyal handful of you will be able to keep the lights on.

I’m not someone who craves instant gratification—I’ve never been that way. But I am progress-driven. I live for those small markers that show me I’m moving forward, that what I’m doing is worth it. And right now, it’s hard to see any progress at all. It’s like running on a treadmill, putting in all the effort but never really getting anywhere. And that, more than anything, is what’s breaking me down.

The reason I’m even sharing this is because… well, I honestly don’t know if I should. I’m a private person. I’ve always kept my struggles and frustrations to myself. But lately, I’ve been thinking about the future—about what I hope to achieve, where I want to go. I’m hoping that someday, I’ll make it. That I’ll break through, and this dark, discouraging chapter of my life will be nothing more than a memory. And maybe, just maybe, someone who’s at the beginning of their own journey will find these words. Maybe they’ll feel as hopeless as I do right now, and these words from the pit of my despair will remind them that it’s okay to struggle. That everyone starts somewhere. That even in the quiet, even when no one seems to care, you have to keep going.

Because despite everything, I haven’t given up. I’ve recorded the fourth chapter of my book, and to be honest, I love it. Sitting down, hearing the story come to life—it was a reminder of why I’m doing this in the first place. It reignited something in me, that little spark that says, “This is what you’re meant to do.”

I know it’s a long road ahead, and maybe things won’t look any different tomorrow or the next day. But I’m going to finish this. I’m hoping to be done recording and have my book on shelves in a month. And I’ll keep pushing through the silence, through the doubts, because someday, it’ll all be worth it.

So, if you’re out there feeling the same way, just know you’re not alone. It’s okay to feel discouraged, but don’t let it stop you. I’m still here, still fighting—and I hope you will, too.